remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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