You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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