i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Randomize
