yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
