if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
