C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
