it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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