she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
