don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
