you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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