No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
