I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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