Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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