Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
