I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
