and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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