Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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