i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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