I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
