im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
