he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
BRING THE BAGELS
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
