Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
