Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
