i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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