I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
