My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
