my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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