I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
