when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
