he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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