Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
