It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
