Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
