I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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