I haven't been this sober since birth.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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