Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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