I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
