Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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