if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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