guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
