ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
