is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
