WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
