Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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