OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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