is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
