we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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