obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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