put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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