i'm lost and i look like a hooker
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
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