This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She's the barista slut.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
