I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
